I have been trying to find the words for weeks and really truly explain how I feel right now. Overwhelmed is an understatement. I feel this weight and pressure on my shoulders that is so hard to get rid of. I have to be honest and say I have thought many times about shutting down shop and moving on. In reality this is my release. I enjoy reviewing and sharing new things with you to much to say goodbye.
I have the pressure of trying to make sure he knows he is loved and try not to make Paul feel like he is missing out. Truth be told he is missing out. Why do I have to feel bad for that or rather made to feel bad for that. I know he is lonely but so am I. I just don’t understand why it is ok for him to gripe and complain. I complain twice and am made to be horrible. Not good. I think we are going through growing pains and I don’t like it!
What I haven’t talked about is Blake is going in for surgery. I am handling that by myself. I know millions of single mothers do this daily. Do I want to do it by myself nope! I am and I am glad he is going to have it done. Basically he has grown to fast and his ureters haven’t caught up. So they are going to fix that. Very simple easy procedure. Just scary when it’s your kid. I think I have been over due for a temper tantrum.
I have found this great station on the radio. Called Charleston’s Way. At first I didn’t realize that it was a christian music station. I love this station. It dawned on me what kind of station it was when I heard Selah. Angie Smiths husband’s band. Who are phenomenal by the way.
So as I was listening I came across this song Lead me by Sanctus Real. I love this song. It says kind of what I have been feeling. So much so I balled like a baby. Blake of course asking whats wrong. Just told him sometimes we cry because we have too. That is exactly what I was doing. Yes this was my wake up to turn back to where I need to. I got the message and will be continuing the search for a right fit for Church. I miss my church back home but now its time to find our fit here.
Here is the song