Paul and I have been going back and forth. We have been struggling with how to get me and the kids down there. People who said would help have backed out. All but my mother. I cant get a loan and neither can my husband. Long story short after we got married we filed bankruptcy. I had major medical bills due to no insurance. We were advised to throw all bills in so we did. Well seven years later we are still suffering. Though It has a bunch of pros right now that decision is biting me in the ass. No other way to put it.
I have been praying and praying this last week. I have been hoping for a miracle. That miracle hasn’t arrived. Though yesterday was a good start with Paul hitting what they call a home run. Anything over a thousand dollar commission take home is a home run. So we can secure a place. So that is a plus. Paul is taking on a second job to help get money quicker. I see him killing himself. I am sad because he has to do this. I realize how loved me and the boys are.
So there is plan b for now. I would work to but have yet to find a work from home company that is not a scam. I don’t have a vehicle accessible to me. Nor other transportation. Any ideas?
Today my heartbroke. I had my grandparents drive me to the psych doctor for the kids. We got Blake back to see Dr. Talavara Briggs and he just became a puddle. This hasn’t been out of the norm as of late. She asked what this was all about as usually they can talk about stats for sports and other irrelevant things. So we have changed his meds and taken him off the fluvoxomine which is his ocd med and put him on Zoloft. I so hope this works for him. I am heartbroken to see how sad he has been lately. How much Anxiety he has lately. I know I am only going to add to it this weekend when I leave to go photograph a wedding with my girlfriend. It will only be one night but I know he gets crazy about me not being around. i hope it isn’t like that.
Nate just got an up page on meds. The kid is crazy!!!! He is like a bouncing ball that never stops. Even when trying to sneak into my bed. The crazy fool. will jump himself into his fathers space.
I have been wondering what it will be like when we are reunited with Paul. Are we going to have to learn to live together again? Is it going to be like riding a bike you just hop back on and go. I am doing better with this but I so miss the cuddling. I miss when I am sad he is there to pick up the pieces. When I need to vent about behavior of the kids.. He cant just hug me and tell me to breath. I miss his kisses. That man to this day 9 years later can still give me butterflies in my tummy. We just miss each other.
So I guess there is always Plan B