Today is the last day I saw my dad alive. The last time to feel his hug. He gave the worlds best hugs. So tight and so secure. You knew that things would be ok. In april Last year I had a cancer scare. I had to go through a bunch of testing. They were seriosly concerned with my liver. I was really not feeling well. My parents came and sat with me while I told them what was going on. I sat snuggled up against my dad. Just feeling safe. Feeling things would be ok and they were.
I had Nates third birthday on the 5th becasue we had so much going on and I wanted Troy to be able to attend. So he came after his walk with my cousin ronald. He recounted the days events. Wore nates Fireman hat with a big smile and held the pinata for the kids to hit. I can remember the smile that sat on his face all afternoon long.
I remember as he was leaving he told me my test results would come back fine the next day and to call and let them know as soon as I knew something. He squeezed me and my two kids. He always smelled of Dakkar. I love the smell but cant stand to smell it now. It reminds me my dad is missing out on some of the best things going in our lives. Reminds me That I am left with my schmuck of a real father who cant be emotionally involved.
I am just sad today becasue I miss those hugs. I miss the person my mom was. I miss the way my family was. I miss the closeness we all shared.
Tomorrow will be one year with ms.. THat is a post in itself.