My life has been filled with hopes. My mom used to tell me all we can do is Hope and pray something would happen.
My first hope was my grandfather would be cured of his cancer. At 10 you have no understanding of this disease. Each time I saw him. I Hoped for a miracle. That miracle never came. So I hoped Jesus would take his pain away. I am pretty sure he has. He was very religious devote Catholic.
I remember finding out I was pregnant for the first time. I had hopes and dreams for this baby. He or she was going to be the next Albert Enestine or a astronaut. I found out at 10 weeks this baby didn’t grow past 8 weeks. We booked another ultrasound. I was hopeful I was just earlier than thought. Not a likely the case. I never gave up that hope that I would have children. Paul and I did three rounds of Clomid and we were pregnant again. We were having twins. We were very hopeful that God and Jesus would provide for us this time. We got to keep Blake and Hayley had not survived but I know she is with us today.
This last month and half has been a hope and a prayer for us. We have been apart from my husband. Nate and Blake have done really well. I had hoped they would adjust ok. they seem to have done so. I hoped I wouldn’t get sick. It seems when Paul leaves I get sick. I am now sick. I hoped it would last long. I am feeling a tiny bit better today,
I found this defintion online.
Hope, Bob Originally Leslie Towne Hope. 1903-2003.
British-born American entertainer. He costarred with Bing Crosby in the popular “Road” films, beginning with the Road to Singapore (1940). Since 1940 he has traveled extensively to entertain U.S. troops overseas.
v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes
1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.
1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.
2. To expect and desire. See Synonyms at expect.
1. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
3. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team’s only hope for victory.
4. often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God’s help.
5. Archaic Trust; confidence.Idiom:
hope against hope
To hope with little reason or justification.
I think about this word and realized there would be no other way to describe our lives other than Hope.
When we got the boys diagnosis of Autism. I hoped I would get the easier more high functioning kind. Not my best moment in life and what I wanted. I had to be reminded God wouldn’t give me more than I could handle.
I read the incourage post today. It has hit me today. I needed this reminder. What people don’t know because I haven’t shared is that Blake is under going some serious psych testing. We think he maybe Bi polar. This has such a taboo and stigma around it. My child suffers mood swings. He is sad then happy then running for hours. He cant control himself. There are times that I wonder if my child that I love so dearly is even in this body. He just doesn’t seem like mine. It kills me to be like that. At the same time I know our doctor wont steer us wrong. She is so cautious and caring of him. She does everything slowly. I love her for that.
So yes hope seems to be a common theme around here.
I am off to rest this head and feel more hope than every before….