Let me preface this with I was not going to touch upon this. I decided I needed to get my feelings out and process what Paul and I have been through with someone I considered a friend for life and had to walk away.
I had a friend who was supposed to come out to Germany for my birthday. We found out a few days before that should would not be making the trip. That the ticket we bought even with insurance was not null and void. 1200 down the drain. Ok lesson learned never purchase a ticket for anyone. After that day all communication ceased. Our numbers blocked. We were blocked from Facebook and all social media outlets. Paul and I contemplated calling the police for a welfare check. That’s where were stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know that there had been some domestic violence in the past. I was afraid calling would make things worse for her and her children.
I got a message mid September that things had been horrific from her but she was free of him. That he was not coming back. We talked and I sent money to help support her and the kids. As she has been a stay at home mom. Paul and I made plans to go there a few days after Christmas and hang out and help her. We helped pay for her attorney. A few days before we left Germany I got messages from people that she had let him back home and that he had been at the house. My heart sunk. I had told her you take him back or are around him and his abuse I walk away. I had to follow through on my words. I knew if I didn’t she would still play the victim and I would be fighting a loosing battle.
I am heart broken. I thought this was the time where she could be happy and get life back together. I hope she is able to do that. I hope she is able one day to break free and get all the happiness that she deserves. Watching someone you love struggle with the demons that the abuser has placed in her psyche. My heart is broken knowing that these children are watching and hearing what is going on. I pray that she will get counseling and stop fighting everyone on something that needs to be done. She needs help and those babies need help. My prayers are that she will finally stand on the two feet that god has given her start her path to recovery. I wish that she could see her worth in this life. The amazing things that she has done with her two autistic sons. I want her to show her daughters how women should be treated.
I cried the day I decided I need to walk away. The lies that were taking place. I was trying to help no strings attached. I was trying to help her see the light that life can be a beautiful thing. I realized you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Domestic Violence is a horrific thing to watch someone go through. It is just as painful for you to watch and feel helpless. That is how I was feeling. I had shown her the way and gotten angry when the courts were failing her. She lost her fight. She has lost herself and I have cheered her on. Yet in turn I got lies and more lies.
If you know someone who is in a domestic violence situation help them but also remember to protect yourself. Give them information on shelters, programs that will help, offer to take them grocery shopping. Above all else protect yourself. Protect your heart and don’t get sucked into their issues. I started feeling negative and resentful of my own husband who was trying his best to help her and her family as well. My husband and kids deserved better than what I was giving them. With that I had to disconnect. I pray for her daily along with all the other I pray for. I wish her well in her future. I know I will most likely be flamed for walking away but for me it is about self preservation. when you have given thousands and they were gifted and the only thing you asked for was honesty. I don’t think I was asking for much.
Here is a few resources if you are someone you know is being harmed.
My personal favorite When Georgia Smiled