I was in the car this morning doing some deep breathing with four kids bickering. Daycare kids are back. I was asking god for the strength to not break me down right there. Reminding him I am still a bit fragile with Paul being gone and thrust in to the troughs of life without him at home and back up.
I just need a sign that everything is going to be OK . That I have the strength to do this. I put the radio to tune out the don’t touch me, dont give me the stink eye and more. Yup it was one of those morning. I sit back and here Reba singing one of her older songs and the name escapes me. They don’t say what it is. Great. Cop behind me finally turns off so I can speed up a bit. I need to get to the store and post office. I have a package to ship to my grandma in time for fathers day.
I can at this point feel the tears welling in my eyes. I know this has been the longest 10 days of my life. That I have another 58 or more days to go. I have 24 pages of letter for my husband that I can’t mail because I have no address. Can you feel the tension that was building. This is only a fourth of what I was feeling. I hear Nate in the back telling Naomi about how much he is missing his daddy. That his daddy is off playing army some where. Oh Crap the tears are falling and Rebekah is looking at me like I have lost my mind.
I turn the radio up some more. The tears are streaking my face quitely. As I think no more could fall on comes a song Paul and I danced to on one of the hardest nights of my life. I have it on video and I have played it a few times. He had made us dinner and lit candles and we just had a date night at home. He wanted me to have a picture of where I can go and be happy. How I miss his hugs.
Here is the song that was on Carrying your Love with me by George Strait…
I can hear him singing the words in my ear so quietly as we just dance in our living room. The kids asleep and just the two of us. They are some of my favorite moments he creates for me. I just miss it. I was instantly comforted in the car by the song. It just seemed to ease my tension. Who knew?
I am sure I looked like a freaking mess in the Post Office and most likely the reason I was in and out in less than 2 minute.
What song comforts you?